This post will be a short one.
The second roommate that I had was a nice old guy who was in the hospital for a reason I was never really able to work out. He was never hooked up to an IV, he wasn’t getting chemo, and nobody ever visited him except a professional care taker, so I never really heard his story. I imagine, considering where we are, that he had something leukemia or lymphoma related (as that’s the only thing that’s supposed to be treated on this floor), but I’m just not sure.
What I am sure about, however, is that this man possessed an absolutely uncanny superpower. His ability? The second that I realized I needed to use the bathroom, for any reason, at any time, I’d get up, and by the time I disconnected my drug dispensing pole from the wall, I’d see the bathroom door closing, and he was disappeared.
It was so ridiculous that even just during the course of a visit, people would remark about how many times it would happen. Let me tell you – whatever was disturbing his bowels was foul. It was extremely not pleasant.
At one point, I had to go to the bathroom with extreme prejudice. As I swung my feet over the bed, I heard through the curtains “Oh no. Oh…oh nonononononononononoNONONONONO” and the door slammed. We heard a thud, a door close, and we weren’t really sure what happened.
I called my nurse, my sister went into the hall to get someone. They came in, everyone all concerned, my bowel movement temporarily forgotten.
He had an “accident”. From what I could hear through the door from the nurse, it was “everywhere”.
Suddenly, my stomach reminded me of the impending deposit that I had to make.
This was not good.
Luckily, they called in another orderly, they got the mess cleaned up fairly quickly, and I was able to go. Damn if that wasn’t the god damn worst thing I’ve ever smelt in my life, though. A week later and you can still catch whiffs of it. Whatever he ate, man, his body made it smell distinct.