Soooo….when do I get to wake up?

We need to go deeper.

Hey, yeah, so, this has been a pretty fun run. A bit long, for a dream, I think, but I’m about ready to wake up and get on with my life.

Can someone out there pinch me, maybe?

Did I forget to set an alarm clock or something?


No, really though.


More seriously, since being discharged from the hospital, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this whole “cancer” thing. And the more I’ve thought about it, the more it’s just seemed like this surreal little life excursion. I don’t feel like I have cancer. In fact, if you were in front of me, and you told me I had cancer, I might just punch you in the face. I’d feel pretty bad about it though, so don’t get angry. I mean, you can’t really get mad at me anyways. I have cancer.

But..I just don’t think it’s really sunk in. I don’t think it’ll ever really sunk in. Cancer is this big thing that you help other people fight. Other nameless folk that you know exist, and you know that cancer sucks, so you run for LLS, or you donate to Pink, or you do these things that are supposed to help other people deal with this garbage.

Did I forget to sign something somewhere that told my body “Hey, knock this stupid shit off, please”. I think somewhere along the line, I may have signed a TSA that said “Yes, I opt in for cancer”.

Because really, this whole situation is just bonkers.

I don’t think I really have the words to sum up this feeling I have. I don’t know that I can truly express it.


So instead, here’s a list of silly things that’s good about having cancer:

  1. You save money on shampoo and conditioner.
  2. You don’t have to worry about bed head.
  3. If you lose a game of corn hole, you can blame it on the leukemia.
  4. The swag is pretty sweet
  5. You get to eat whatever you want
  6. Nobody is going to say “Nope” to your movie choices


I’ll add to that list as I think of more cool things about having cancer.


  1. Margaret Mateyaschuk · · Reply

    You didn’t ask “why me”. You have given your family strength with the way you are handling your cancer. To all your family it seems surreal and we find ourselves saying it can’t be. You can add one more thing to your list – realizing how much we all love you. Now is the time to ask for anything you want because when your better it’s back to good old reality !

  2. Margaret mateyaschuk · · Reply

    I’ll look for the photo.
    Think of tomorrow as one step closer to getting through what you need to do to cross the finish line to run your next marathon. xxx

    1. Thanks God mom 🙂

  3. Do I have to? · · Reply

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, especially at such a young age, but hang in there! My father was diagnosed with lymphoma when he was 60. He was diabetic and he had suffered a major heart attack just 3 years earlier that killed half his cardiac muscle. They gave him a 40% chance of survival, and put him on a mild chemo due to this heart condition.

    That was 7 years ago. He kicked the cancer in about 6 months and it never came back. He’s better than ever now. Cancer’s a bitch, but you’ll beat this.

    1. Thanks for the kind words Amanda, and I’m super glad your Dad did so well! 🙂

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